turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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