i jhust puked up my retainher.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
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I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.