So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
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So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null