my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...