Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.