I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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