I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
