What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception