don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.