You really coming over, don't trick.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
