I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
