I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
