I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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