I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
