maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
