their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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