I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
