She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
