He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
