i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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