Jerry, you need to find god
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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