Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
