Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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