you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
