i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
