He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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