# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
