dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
