Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
