I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
