What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
