oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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