she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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