you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
