Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
