at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Enjoy the penises
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
