Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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