you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
