I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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