bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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