Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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