He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
