I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
