I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
