I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
