I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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