I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
