Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Your penis caused this!
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