He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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