I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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