I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
