I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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