i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
