I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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