I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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