apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just found a bag of teeth...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
