I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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