just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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