my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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