So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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