yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
