Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize