I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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