i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
