Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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