I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
