I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
