it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
