The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
