She's JV to your varsity
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
