I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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