so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
