I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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