so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
