Having a random hookup so left but love u
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
