I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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