I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
