You're completely useless in the revolution.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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