Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
