put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
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I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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