Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
