Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
