Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
should my penis look like a turkey
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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