Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
