If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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