So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
