So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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