I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
