I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
