before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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