my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
